Whole30 Dreams are Weird

Generally speaking, I don’t remember my dreams. I know the general story structure, the feelings I felt during the dream, and some hazy details. But nothing ever really sticks with me for long after I wake up. It’s how my mind processes the dreams I guess. So when this particular dream rolled around and I vividly remember the details of it, you know that it was that absurdly hilarious that I simply had to remember. This dream involved a road trip, the creamy decadence of a well made mac n’ cheese, and Food Network star, cultural lightning rod, and the hair stylist of early era N’Sync Guy Fieri. And it’s all The Whole30’s fault.

Let me explain Whole30’s culpability in this scenario. When starting the Whole30 there’s a disclaimer of sorts warning you about the types of dreams you may have. NOT THOSE KINDS OF DREAMS! Get your head’s out the gutter you heathens.

These dreams tend to revolve around indulging in all the food that you can’t have for the 30 days. The first time around for me, I don’t recall there being any real ridiculous food related dreams for that month. But my second Whole30 is apparently making up for the lack of weird dreams the first month the second time around.

Let me set the scene- Picture it… Sicily 1945! Wait, that’s not right. In actuality, it’s nondescript diner somewhere in the middle of nowhere. You know the one, where you and some buddies are on a road trip and someone forget to pack the already cooked bagel bites and now you have to find the nearest diner before you all starve and/or start eating each other. So I enter the diner, get a seat and start looking at the menu. There’s your typical diner with subtle little modern twists that restaurants love to throw in so they can stand out from the competition. As I’m scanning this menu, my eyes drift towards the middle of the page and in this special section of the menu, completely separated from the rest of the offerings is the meal to end all meals; Lobster Mac n’ Cheese.

Now Lobster Mac n’ Cheese by itself is amazing, but this took an already elevated dish and went above and beyond with it. It got placed in front of me and I started to eat and I damn near found Food Nirvana. Not only was the lobster perfectly cooked, but the 3 cheeses that were used melded together in perfect harmony. There subtle hints of bacony deliciousness throughout because come on, what doesn’t go well with bacon? The flavor was spot on throughout the dish and I could barely contain myself. I asked the waitress “Is this heaven?” And a voice from behind me replied “No, this is Diners, Drive-In’s and Dives!” Guy Fieri and his film crew are standing behind me and filmed my entire experience of entering Food Nirvana. The visceral experience apparently made an impression on Guy. Real nice dude btw, I don’t get all the hate for the Mayor of Flavortown.

Anyway, Guy and I start talking over this amazeballs Mac n’ Cheese and a deal is struck. I’m joining the Triple D team as a producer and co-host since Guy has 17,000 different shows on Food Network to handle and I gladly accept the offer as we continue to devour our third helping of the lobster mac. And then I wake up and realize I cannot have any mac n’ cheese until January 31st and then I’m sad again.

The moral of this random ass dream you may ask? It’s a simple one, prepare for some weird dreams while you’re going through the Whole30 because your mind is weird and desperately wants to fall back into familiar habits and comforting taste. It’s a simple fact of going through a regimen like the Whole30. But once you come through the other side, you’ll be glad that you didn’t listen to those random cravings and oddly lucid dreams of triple chocolate cake chasing you down a hallway, or getting a job offer from Guy Fieri over lobster mac n’ cheese. I also guess the secondary moral is don’t sit down or a Diners, Drive-ins and Dives super marathon on the Food Network before going to bed. Yeah, definitely don’t do that.

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